I am sad to report that our church is currently hurting. I find this to be both hurtful and intimidating. I was finally beginning to understand something in this horridly complicated world. Pastor Mark has brought love and salvation into so many lives, especially those of his congregation. We are all terrified, but comforted in knowing the Lord has our back.
Pastor Mark baptized me when I was just 9 years old. While I didn't understand the full extent of Christianity and salvation then, other than loving Jesus, Pastor has taught me much in these past few months. God truly put my family in his audience for a miracle, one my family was direly in need of.
My high school years, and even middle school, have been rough on my family and I. I put them and myself through things they should not have experienced, me at only 12 to 15. I'd cut myself daily. Not just light cuts but multiple, and not to get attention. I was very good at hiding myself from everyone, and got away with it for months before a single person caught on. Even after my parents found out I has my mantra- I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to be left alone.
When I finally got diagnosed with A.D.D.. depression, anxiety, and sleep issues in eighth grade, I had already determined I hated myself. I was sexually harassed almost daily, and it got so bad my school adjusted their hands-off policy to no one being allowed to even hug their friends. To add to this, I was on medications because something was wrong with me. With everything happening too fast, I no longer saw a point in caring about much.
The rest of high school, until junior year, was spent doing drugs, being manipulative, and not even caring for myself. I could not be accused of being selfish, at least, because that would imply I did care. I got into two fights, one which landed me in Juvenile hall, the other helping to get me kicked out of my high school for a year. I got in trouble for both drinking and smoking on campus. My grades were slipping, and it appeared I was on a downward spiral.
By the time I landed myself in the hospital for the second time for doing drugs, my parents had had enough. I was grounded for months. I needed to learn a lesson, not one that discipline alone could teach me. I was missing something big in life and it was destroying me.
Mid-way through junior year, I picked up the bible. I hate to say it was a random event, but it was. My grandma had bought all the kids in the family a study bible, so I thought i'd give it a try. I'd spend hours a day in my garage, smoking cigarettes (which I did finally quit!) and reading the bible. No one would bother me during this time. They knew it was pointless because I wouldn't listen, and this was something I felt I needed to do. I learned something about myself and life in those hours- I no longer wanted to be the reckless, careless party girl. I wanted to change, to be someone for God.
Halfway through this school year (a was allowed to return to my high school for getting straight a's on an independent study program) my father had a change of heart. He was convicted by the Lord, and had this urge to get rebaptized(story for another time). In the process, we became members of Fellowship Baptist Church.
The Pastor was broken, himself. He would get distracted, and off topic. He wouldn't socialize like he used to. This really made his sermons stick out to me. He was more broken than I even was, yet was so filled and enthusiastic about God's love. This made me want t change further- I no longer party, cuss as much, do any drugs, and i'm changing my life plan for one of God. I even hope to start a non-profit organization. Pastor himself has gotten better, and we're all very proud of him.
Of course, I owe this radical change to the Holy Spirit. But Pastor Mark showed me how to get there. SO, this is my proclamation- I truly hope, for the sake of Pastor and the congregation, that we do not get the church taken by the bank. I PRAY the Lord takes care of us, if it's in his will, because if one church can do this for a long lost teenager and a broken man, what could they do for the world? For the Lord, we could do anything, and through him accomplish his plans for us.
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